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Ramblings...This person you’re seeing now?
She doesn’t exist.
Her bouncy steps and cheerful smile, her contagious laugh and her kindness…
It’s all an act, a default setting really.
No matter how much you know about her, you’ll never know me.
I won’t let you see through my mask.
You will be deceived like everyone else.
You won’t be able to save me, no matter how hard you try.
Because, the truth is, I just want to fall.
But on the inside, part of me is screaming…
I do exist.
I used to be like that.
Please, see through me.
Try to save me, even if I fall, I will see your hand reaching for me.
And it will give me hope as I plummet.
One Day..I love his smile,
So warm and kind.
And when he laughs,
It just blows my mind.
I never knew anyone could be that carefree,
I never thought anyone like that could take an interest in me.
When I’m around him, everything disappears.
Whenever he hugs me, it crushes my fears.
But there is one fear that never goes away.
It’s the fear that he’ll see my scars one day.
He Makes Me SmileI met a boy the other night,
He makes me smile and treats me right.
He compliments me on my laugh,
He’s sweet and funny and good at math.
I met you in a club and it was “love at first sight",
You took me home and I was yours for the night.
You told me I was stupid and undeserving of you,
But I stayed around, tolerating every bruise.
He asked me out to dinner last week,
I said no, but kissed his cheek.
He tells me I’m beautiful and makes me smile,
He tells me his stories and lingers a while.
You use me whenever you want a “quick boost”,
But honestly, prick, I’m sick of this abuse.
Do you know why I haven’t cheated on you?
It’s because I’m afraid of what you’ll do.
But you know what, babe?
Screw you and your temper.
Today I escape,
And leave you forever.
My RemedyMy gashes have faded to pink and silver lines. They’re easier to hide than the deep red cuts that used to cover my body.
I failed every rehab program that tried to fix me and let the addiction take control, slowly coming to believe that nothing would ever change. I would always be trapped in the hellish existence of numbness. But one day, he stumbled into my life, quite literally, and with him, my grey world shifted into color. His smile lit up everything inside me and rushed blood to my cheeks. I found myself looking forward to the feeling of seeing him. My friend, the razor, was soon forgotten and his face filled every empty part of me with joy and excitement. We were only friends for a very long time, but after a while I noticed that he was calling me beautiful and little things here and there. No matter what happens now, I know that I can handle it. Even if he leaves me, I have gotten a taste of true happiness and I will not let it go.
I will...I will hold your hand through the good and the bad,
I will wipe every tear from your eyes when you’re sad.
Though you’ll tear me apart,
I will give you my heart.
I will love you with everything I’ve got,
Even if you just use me and then leave me to rot.
FoundI found my razor blade again,
Its sweet relief against my skin.
My tears flow out through the blood on my wrist,
Soon I'll be gone and I won't be missed.
Hush-a-bye hated it will all be over soon.
They’ll find you asleep beneath the full moon.
AdventureOnce upon a time, there lived a little boy. This boy had the perfect house, the perfect mother, and the perfect father. Everything was perfect.
Except for him.
He was always sick and confined to his bed. There was nothing to do and no one to talk to, until one day, a little girl showed up. Her clothes were quite tattered and her hair was a mess, but her sweet little smile made her beautiful.
The two of them talked for hours on end, but she’d always disappear when someone came in. At first, the little boy thought nothing was too strange about it, but then he began to notice the blood stains on her dress, the bruises on her face, and the dirt that puddled around her feet wherever she walked.
His mother found the soil strewn all over the floor and could never fathom how her bedridden child created such a mess in his tidy, bare room. The little boy seemed happier lately. He was almost able to walk and his cheeks had a light coloring to them now.
“Get out of be
Tear Me OpenTear open my wrists,
Cut out my heart,
Beat me with fists,
I won't fall apart.
I've been broken and fixed,
Too many times.
I'm tired of sympathy,
Just let me lie.
When you ask how I am
And I say I'm okay,
Though you know it's a lie,
Just leave it that way.
When you see that I'm tired
And can't go on,
Just keep pushing me,
It will make me strong.
I need to be strong,
I need to be brave.
I need to move on,
I need to escape.
So tear open my wrists
Cut out my heart.
Do your worst.
I can't fall apart.
I Am That GirlI'm the girl who writes poems
Because it helps me get my feelings out.
It's the only way I know how.
I'm the girl who will love anyone
No matter who they are.
I'm the girl, who can be annoying at times,
But I love life and everything in it.
I'm the girl who will always make
Room in her heart for someone,
Because I love just about everyone.
I'm the girl, who will flirt with you,
But never admit to you how I really feel.
I'm the girl who will truly love you.
No one will ever love you as much as I do.
Do You Remember?Do you remember that poem you wrote me?
Well, I found it the other day.
It was in my jacket pocket.
I didn't know one piece of paper
Could bring back so many memories.
It's amazing how long it has been
Since you gave it to me.
I am thankful that
I had you in my life.
All the good and bad times,
They made us that much stronger.
Thank you for coming into my life.
Thank you loving me.
I couldn't have asked for anything better.
So you see what a simple
Piece of paper with words on it can do.
It made me remember why I cared so much.
It made me remember you,
So thank you for writing it.
StrengthAfter everything that she has been through,
She finally feels her strongest.
She feels like nothing can bring her down,
And for the first time she’s happy about who she is.
She no longer thinks that she is useless.
When she looks in the mirror
She sees someone who is pretty
Rather than ugly.
It took her awhile to get where she is now,
But she is forever grateful for the obstacles in her life
That made her strong.
Her new found strength
Makes her feel like she can do anything
And she can be anything that she wants.
She is finally the girl that she wanted to be,
But finding that girl took a little while
And took a lot of pain and heart ache along the way.
But she did it.
She survived the pain and heart ache.
She rose above when everyone expected her to fall.
Those that have brought her down
Have made her that much stronger.
She has lost someone that she has loved.
She was dying on the inside,
While on the outside everyone saw her fake smile.
But now everything has changed.
Night Time Has ArrivedThe sun has set,
And the night has arrived.
It's a different world out there.
It's scary, dangerous, and dark.
It makes me so alive.
I fit right in with the animals of the night,
And they graciously accepted me.
Night time has arrived.
The darkness has set in,
The stars and the moon
Shine so brightly.
The cool crisp air
Awakens my senses.
It's almost like we have become one.
I fit so perfectly in this darkness.
I never want to leave this place.
The crickets, and the strange noises,
Make me feel at ease
Because I know that night time has arrived.
We Lost Each OtherI regret the day that I lost you.
I should have tried harder,
I should have made more effort,
But you should have too.
We both loved each other,
But I guess not trying resulted in us
Losing the person we loved the most.
I've never loved someone so much
Until the day I met you.
Maybe if we had tried harder
We would still be together.
But at the same time
If we have stayed together
Then we wouldn’t have met other people.
We wouldn’t have gotten the chance
To fall in love with someone else.
We wouldn’t have gotten the chance to let go
And learned to start over
Even though we lost each other,
We gain so much knowledge from it all.
We found out who we really were,
And what we want out of our lives.
So maybe losing each other was either
The best thing or the worst thing,
But neither of us will know how the other still feels
Because we lost each other.
I'm ScaredI'm scared to love someone.
I'm scared of what might happen.
I don't want to let someone in,
Because I don't know what might happen.
I'm afraid, and I shouldn't be.
I shouldn't be afraid of something
Like this, but I am.
I know what love is,
I have seen it,
And I have felt it,
But I'm still scared.
Maybe I'm scared
Because of what happened last time.
It didn't work out,
And it didn't turn out that great.
I was miserable,
Because I didn't know
What I was supposed to do.
I didn't know how to love someone,
Maybe because I didn't know
How to love myself.
What Happened to Her?What happened to her?
What happened to the girl she used to be?
She became someone different.
She let go of the old her
And she became someone else.
She became the girl, who wore make-up,
She became the girl, who wanted to be pretty all the time,
She became the girl, who cared about how she looked,
And cared about what others thought of her.
But most of all she became the girl she said she would never be.
Maybe she has changed for the better,
And maybe she didn’t.
Let’s just hope she knows what she getting herself into.
Since she has started to change
She has felt so much better.
She feels like she belongs,
And she finally feels whole.
I often wonder what happened to her.
I wonder if she still lingers inside of her
Waiting for the day that she can come back,
But the truth is, she doesn’t want to be her again.
She doesn’t want to be that broken person that she was,
Maybe someday she’ll look back at the old her,
And realize how much she has changed
You Could Have Told MeYou could have told me the truth,
But instead you decided to lie to me.
Come on I'm not stupid,
I know very well that you were lying.
You're not that hard to figure out.
You could have told me that we were over,
But instead you chose to mess with my emotions.
You shouldn't play with my emotions,
Because I may just lose it.
Just because I was fragile a long time ago,
Doesn't mean that I am not now.
You could have told me that you didn't care,
Maybe then I would have left.
You're not worth my time,
if you just don't care.
But this time around I'm telling you.
You're not worth my tears,
and i won't settle for anything less than I deserve.
I'm Not That Girl AnymoreYou know that girl you use to love,
Well she grew up.
She's different now,
And has a lot more going for her.
She's more confident in herself,
She believes in herself,
She had to overcome so much
To be who she is now.
That broken fragile girl is stronger now,
She's able to smile,
And mean it.
She is able to be happy
When she wasn't before.
She was lonely on the inside,
And she didn't know who she could be.
That girl that grew up,
And changed has become a better person.
She's always smiling,
She's always happy,
So don't you worry about her now
Because she is just fine.
I'm not that girl you use to love,
I grew up and changed forever.
I'm not as fragile as I use to be
Because I have grown stronger.
I'm no longer that broken girl
Because I have a purpose in this life,
And I have found who I was supposed to be
Because I'm not that girl anymore.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More